"Muffin Shop" by Fernando Raguero

I want to open up a muffin shop
call it Damn Muffins

I want people to come in and say
I’ll have a damn muffin

I would get a kick out of
this every time they do

an in joke
taken to elaborate extremes
I’ll be the only one who
thinks it’s funny
but that’s nothing new

it’ll be a one man
operation to keep overhead low

I’ll live in the room at the back
furnished with a futon and a radio
a hot plate and all the great books
I’ve always wanted to
read but never had time to

between damn muffin
sales I’ll pull out
Moby Dick or A Tale of Two Cities

I’ll wake up at
five every morning to
bake the damn muffins

I’ll be dedicated like a farmer
but instead of
milking the damn cows I’ll
be sprinkling blueberries
and walnuts
on damn muffin dough

this will be my life
and it will be good

it will be a one man operation
to keep overhead low

my muffins will be the
best damn muffins around
because of all the love
and care I’ll put into them

it’ll be the only thing I do
besides read

my life will be muffins and books
books and muffins

I won’t sell anything else
no damn biscotti
no damn sausage rolls
no damn soup

if someone asks for a fucking coffee
I’ll tell them to go next door
to my brother’s

people will come from
miles around by word of mouth
to eat my damn muffins
because I’ll have cool flavors
with hippie names like
Sunshine and Barefoot Flower

it’ll become popular
it’ll get hectic
I’ll think about expanding
maybe hire someone to help out

but I won’t
it’ll remain like sex with myself:

a one man operation to keep overhead low

I’ll get franchise offers
but I’ll refuse them
I don’t ever want to get big and evil
like Starbucks

I’ll stay a mom and pop outfit
without the mom
without the pop

just me in my
small corner of the world

happy doing what I love to do
selling my damn muffins

reading my damn books

and laughing at my own jokes

Fernando Raguero has been on four Vancouver Poetry Slam teams. He is the 2009 Haiku Deathmatch champion and the 2011 Erotica Slam champion. He has published six chapbooks. His latest one is called "Why are the Pages Sticky?" He is working on a new book called "Crack Pipe on the Credenza".

Fernando Raguero vs. The World happens April 23rd at the Vancouver International Poetry Festival. This show is an open mic where you get to match wits with the legendary Vitamin F. After each open mic poet, Fernando will read a poem in response to what he has heard – and hilarity will ensue.