Hipster replacement surgery

[rcathome]

I had been feeling out of sorts
Like a toad without its warts
A film festival without shorts
A debate sans its retorts
A watch without its quartz
Because according to reports
A new age of dull was dawning in my social circle
I was changing from Cliff Ronning into a sitcom Erkle

I’d go to moustache parties and need to shave everyone
I felt like a blackened rain cloud blocking out the sun
I was becoming no fun
Fun was something to shun
A prize not to be won
And I found this shocking how could it be?
I’d go to East Van poly-amorous bisexual parties
And NO ONE would hit on me

Art openings---I found pretentious
Fellow poets---all seemed like dentists
I had become a magician’s apprentice
Making the good times disappear
I was a walking talking belching breathing sneer
My brand of local naturally hemp brewed beer
Now seemed as appealing as the festering scum
Breeding in the dark under a Trout Lake pier

I couldn’t stop thinking
How fraction by fraction in between blinking
My once cool wide world was now increasingly
Shrinking
I needed to do something you know find a solution
It shouldn’t be that difficult this wasn’t global pollution

Three days later my doctor said, RC
My boy there’s no need to panic
What’s happening is natural it’s completely organic
You should calm down stop being so manic
She said—you see
You just need to be free
Like taking a pee when no one is looking
Or eating desert while everyone’s cooking
It’s not a stage—you gotta turn the page
You’re now over 40—you’ve entered old age

You need hipster replacement surgery
Fortunately it’s painless except to the ego
You might feel little miserables just like Victor Hugo
But only for a while
And if you manage it with style
Or with some flair and some guile
Then all of your tears will seem only crocodile

She said I have a prescription you must follow this plan
First move to the suburbs and out of East Van
Name your kids Sam, Charlie, Suzy or Lorraine
And spell those names properly not like you were high on cocaine
Stop eating organic and stop smoking weed
Buy all things in bulk regardless of need
Have a gay weekend with friends and fish off of a dyke
Buy a new SUV and drive over your bike
Quit shopping at Value Village and buy your clothes from the mall
Listen to songs by Richard Marx and not the Cure or the Call
No longer recycle and start watching cable
Just don’t give a damn like that classic Clark Gable

Do all of these things and you’ll feel remarkably fine
Your conscience won’t nag and eventually the whine
From everyone else telling you how to exist
Will become like a dinosaur it’ll cease and desist

And once you accept your fate and end these needless struggles
There will be no more shame in being a fan of the Buggles
Video killed the radio star and maybe your old lifestyle too
But if you age with grace and not ire you'll be as loved as a shoe
 

[RCW]

Since I can't go back and edit the initial entry here's a re edit of the piece with a new and I hope better ending.

I had been feeling out of sorts
Like a toad without its warts
A film festival without shorts
A debate sans its retorts
A watch without its quartz
Because according to reports
A new age of dull was dawning in my social circle
I was changing from Cliff Ronning into a sitcom Erkle

I’d go to moustache parties and need to shave everyone
I felt like a blackened rain cloud blocking out the sun
I was becoming no fun
Fun was something to shun
A prize not to be won

And I found this shocking how could it be?
I’d go to East Van twenty something poly-amorous bisexual parties
And NO ONE would hit on me

Art openings---I found pretentious
Fellow poets---all seemed like dentists
I had become a magician’s apprentice
Making the good times disappear
I was a walking talking belching breathing farting sneezing sneer
My brand of locally naturally hemp brewed beer
Now seemed as appealing as the festering scum
Breeding under a Trout Lake pier

I couldn’t stop thinking
How fraction by fraction in between blinking
My once cool wide world was now increasingly
Shrinking
I needed to do something you know find a solution
It shouldn’t be that difficult this wasn’t global pollution

Three days later my doctor said, RC my boy
There’s no need to panic
What’s happening to you is natural it’s completely organic
You should calm down stop being so manic
She said—you see
You just need to be free
Like taking a pee when no one is looking
Or eating desert while everyone’s cooking
It’s not a stage—you gotta turn the page
You’re now over 40—you’ve entered old age

You need hipster replacement surgery

Fortunately it’s painless except to the ego
You might feel little miserables just like Victor Hugo
But only for a while
And if you manage it with style
Or with some flair and some guile
Then all of your tears will seem only crocodile

She said I have a prescription you must follow this plan
First move to the suburbs and out of East Van
Name your kids Sam, Charlie, Suzy or Lorraine
And spell those names properly not like you were high on cocaine
Stop eating organic and stop smoking weed
Buy all things in bulk regardless of need
Let ‘gay” just mean happy and fish off of a dyke
Buy a new SUV and drive over your bike
Quit shopping at Value Village and buy your clothes from the mall
Listen to songs by Richard Marx and not the Cure or the Call
No longer recycle and start watching cable
Just don’t give a damn like that classic Clark Gable

I did all of these things and yes the angst it did lessen
I felt more relaxed in my skin lacking hipster oppression
I settled into my life and became the man I thought I’d forgot
I felt just like the right nose finally blowing out the right snot.

[Sean]

I especially liked the magician's line. It seemed to catch me off guard.

Poets as dentists...do we have that high of a suicide rate?

But Hipster replacement surgery!!!

Its really good RC and it rhymes a lot more than you usually do. I'm curious why that is?

Do you want to do it as a group piece? I've been recently told that I'm old/ middle aged by someone I thought was hitting on me. And my aesthetic is not normally what the cool kids are wearing. I thinkit would be fun.

[sue]

everyone thinks he/she is old until later

then he/she looks back at that time of thinking "old" and realises, "I was young."

(my two bits - Cooool pome RC and very true)

I will write one, one day about turning 60 and moving to Commercial Drive

sue

[Gauche]

I juz loved
Tho the begining seemed to annoy me a little bit, but was like a rolly coaster, was going up the hill, really slowly, then run down on a amazing loop.