we are less (following Koyczan)

[Paul]

We are Less
following Koyczan

Define Germany

You might say home of Schumacher or Beckenbauer
who inspired small bratwursts
and the kraut that is sauer

But we are more than just Oktoberfest
we are the smiles you won't forget
No matter how much you drink,
we will never write on your face
with a felt marker
while passed out in the sink

And some say what defines us
is our directness and handshakes
and as for our black forest cakes...
Well, they're pretty good too

But we are more than drinking buddies
and world-class chefs
we are symphonies inside the composer
who is deaf
we are musicians
master of melody, meter, and microphones
massing measures of time with music
each note refusing to die.

We are comedians
practicing the art of self deprecating humour
and sly wit
off collar jokes
that others just don't seem to get

We are closed doors
which is not to say
you are not welcome here
it just that we don't like drafts.
We're weird like that.

And yeah...

our autos will never
 be as fuel efficient as the Japanese
our engines not electric

our soccer players may never
be as fast as the Brazalians'
our women not as tan and slender

But we like it like that..
and after all, less is more
And in an age where buy buy buy
is all the rage
We power our houses from the sun
and sort our glass according to colour

So maybe we will never be
the biggest, badest, or best country in the world
But dammit, we like it like that.

[Shannon]

I meant to tell you this when I heard it,
but I thought you did a lovely job with this.

Response poems are not as easy as one might think, as you need to use both the original intent/spirit that was found in the original poem, plus add your own unique spin.  You, did a good job. 

I liked what you did.

I wonder if you could go a little deeper?  Perhaps a free write for a few pages to see what it reveals and then take that and find a few lines to add??

[Lisa]

I really like the edits you've made to this piece!

[Duffman]

I second that.  The additions are amazing.

[Shannon]

I also like the edits!  You went deeper, you said more, this is great!

Something occurred to me though about what you are NOT saying . When, I, Shannon Rayne, think of Germany ... no matter how much time has gone by, and how many times I have visited and fell in love with the country, I still also think of the atrocities occurred on that soil.  It feels like it the one thing you are not talking about in this poem.  And for me, it feels left out.  Like it is the elephant in the room. 

Does it feel this way for you too?  I am not saying that Germany *is* WWII. But I am saying that Germany IS the country that had to deal with rebuilding after the war.  They have done a good job too!